A Renaissance Honeymoon

1 Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a beautiful princess and a galant prince. They were newly weds, having been married just three days ago, and were on their way to a honeymoon suite in the province of Unouanit. Riding down a dusty road in a victorian carriage, they passed a little inn on the side of the road and decided to stop for the night. The prince paid in gold coins and gave the innkeeper an explicit order of no disturbances until the morning....
2
The Prince climbed the stairs, casting the occasional surreptitious glance behind him at his wife's exquisite body....
3 The rest was but a awful dream that worked it's way into the reality of the situation. Her foot slipped on the top stair, she teetered for a moment on the step. In slow motion she fell backwards crumpling into a ball as she hit the steps. The groom stared in horror as he watched her snap her beautiful little neck. Tears ran down his cheek as he held her in his hands and sobbed. "I would do it all over again he said to her bleeding body. He got up and went out the door where he was hit by a truck, only to join his sweetheart in eternity. In HELL.

4 Hell was actually a kind of nice place. The devil welcomed them and told them he would do everything in his power to make them comfortable. Unfortunately, the day after their arrival one of those wildfires that Hell is known for swept through, and they were killed for the second time. This time they ended up in a place worse than Hell: Central Vermont.
5 Central Vermont was much worse than they'd heard, those news of Vermont only reached their parsec of Unouanit every third Friday or so. As soon as they got orientated they hijacked a victorian carriage and high tailed it to Las Vegas. But the horse collapsed in Utah, so they became Mormons, had seventeen children.
Now the third child was an ornery little brat named David who, at the age of eight, pilfered three of his father's gold coins and hitch-hiked to a guest ranch outside Las Vegas, where he posed as an adult and chose the largest-breasted of the women offered to adults (or to those posing as adults who also have gold coins) in the lobbies of the guest ranches outside Las Vegas.
Then David began climbing the stairs, casting occasional surreptitious glances behind him at the woman's over-constructed form.